A great relationship should keep you on your toes for all the right reasons. What it shouldn’t do is keep you guessing whether or not you’re more into the relationship than the other person.
Noticing signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you? While one or two things here and there don’t necessarily spell doom, if you’ve found the little things started piling up, you might want to nip it in the bud before you wind up in a one-sided relationship.
Signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you
Below are some of the most common signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you. From chronic aloofness to avoiding meeting your friends and family, here’s what the professionals have to say.
You’re not sure when you’ll see him next
In a romantic relationship, if you often find yourself feeling anxiety about the amount of time between dates or hangouts, it’s a sign he’s not making enough of an effort to integrate into your life.
“I know a woman who would see a guy she was newly dating about once every two weeks and in between they would text very sporadically,” said Andrea Javor, a certified divorce and career development coach. “When she asked me for help decoding what was going on, I probed the frequency of their interactions. She shared that her anxiety was high as she wanted the relationship to move ahead at a faster pace than he did. Ultimately she realized he was dating multiple women and not serious about her.”
Pacing is important, Javor said, so have a conversation with him sooner rather than later to be sure he wants to be in it just as much as you do.
You make all the plans
“Ladies, if you find yourself prompting him to make plans or stuck making plans for the next couple dates without him sparking the ideas first, he may not want to be in a relationship,” Javor said. “There’s a saying that goes something like, ‘At no time in history did a guy forget to pursue a woman he was interested in.’”
When a man is interested, he’ll usually make plans to see you again—and soon. He probably won’t leave it all up to you, and it’s more likely that he’ll put himself out there and try to impress you by planning something he thinks you will like.
He takes you to places only convenient for him
Convenience and comfort level are key for anyone stepping into the dating world. That said, if he’s only willing to meet you a couple blocks from his house, it may be a sign he’s not willing to think about your needs.
“I know a woman who is frustrated that a guy she’s dating asks her to drive 35 minutes to his neighborhood to meet up,” said Javor. “That’s a sign he’s all about himself and may not be about the relationship.”
He keeps saying he’s ‘too busy’
According to Elliott Katz, the author of “Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants,” if a guy doesn’t pursue you or keeps saying he’s too busy to reach out, it’s a clear sign he’s not interested. Although today women and men ask each other out, a man who is confident will pursue a woman he’s interested in.
“A woman can show interest and encourage him by talking and smiling—showing interest in what he talks about, complimenting him and flirting with him in other ways,” Katz said. “But if after that he doesn’t pursue her, it’s a sign he’s not interested in her.”
“When someone cares and is interested in you, they will engage in anything with you,” said Liam Barnett, a dating expert and relationship coach in Eagle River, AK. “Whether it is a certain activity or just a simple conversation, they care to listen to you, discuss certain topics with you, do activities with you, see you more often and so on—they’re interested.”
However, if they don’t listen, engage in conversations or avoid spending time with you, chances are they’re not interested in having a relationship with you.
You’re not part of his plans
With long-term or short-term plans, if you’re not part of any of them, he’s probably not very interested in spending time with you. When someone wants a relationship, they genuinely care about you. They want—and they even feel the need—to see you more often.
“If they can’t see you, they will at least attempt to call you so that they can hear your voice,” Barnett said.
He doesn’t introduce you to anyone
If it has been a while since you met and he still hasn’t introduced you to anyone, this may be another sign he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
“If a person is planning to have you in their life for a good while, and they feel like they have a bond or connection with you, they will feel the need to tell everyone about it,” Barnett said. “In this case, they won’t be able to wait to show their friends and family how awesome of a person you are.”
He ghosts you
Ghosting or any other form of communication blackout is usually a clear sign he’s not interested. If someone genuinely cares about you, they probably won’t go for long without at least a text.
“Especially nowadays that the technology is so advanced and we’re all having our phones in our pockets everywhere we go,” Barnett said. “It takes a few seconds to send a text. If they’re not willing to spare a few seconds of their time for you, they’re not willing to have a relationship with you.”
He won’t open up
There are people who have difficulties with this in general, but if it has been a long time and they’re just not opening up about anything, they may not be ready. When you feel close to someone, you feel like sharing things that bother you or make you happy or even just inconsequential things. Because you feel the bond with them, you want to share what’s on your mind.
“If it has been a long time since you’ve known them (e.g., more than just a few weeks or months), and they haven’t told you anything else other than superficial things, take it as another sign,” Barnett said.
You’re putting in more than half of the effort
“At least once per day, I must say to my patients, ‘If they want to, they will,” said Jennifer Weaver-Breitenbecher, a Rhode Island psychotherapist and owner of JL Weaver & Associates, LLC. “We should each only be putting in 50% of the effort in a new relationship. Of course, sometimes, in longer-term relationships, the effort ebbs and flows between partners, but not in the beginning. It is not your job to convince someone to have an interest in you.”
It’s not uncommon for people to focus on those who don’t show them much attention in return. We all want to be wanted.
“This pattern of behavior, though, feeds our insecurities over time and potentially results in our settling for relationships we aren’t satisfied with,” Weaver said.
He doesn’t prioritize you
When you first started going out, you made plans and you both showed up. Now, he’s frequently making excuses not to get together or cancels plans. An interested guy will usually never cancel unless he has a very good reason.
“A guy who has no interest won’t think about the consequences of canceling at the last minute,” said Michelle Devani, the founder of LoveDevani.com. “A flake won’t be bothered at canceling plans with you when something ‘better’ comes up. While this may be hurtful, keep in mind that your worth is not in question just because someone is losing interest in you.”
He always cuts things short
Is he taking you out on dates but only for a quick drink or bite? Does he always need to get home early instead of hanging out with you longer? He might be eager to cut your time short because he has somewhere else he’d rather be.
“There might be some exceptions, like if he’s working hard and is exhausted, but if this is becoming a habit, then it’s better to move on from someone who isn’t that interested in you,” Devani said.
He’s creating extremely tight boundaries
According to Tel Aviv-based intimacy expert Natasha Ivanovic, when someone doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, they’re going to create a boundary for themselves.
“They may still act like they’re in a relationship with you, but they won’t do anything to confirm that they want to take that step with you,” Ivanovic said. “For example, they won’t meet your family, they continue seeing other people, they won’t go on double dates or spend their weekend nights with you.”
The best way to handle this is by deciding what’s best for you. You can talk with them, clarify the situation and see what they’re seeking.
“If you want a relationship and they can’t provide you with that, you need to move on from them and seek people interested in the same relationship goals as you,” Ivanovic said. “If not, you’re only going to let them continue to lead you on and waste your time.”