Did you meet your last partner online and spend a lot of time chatting via text? You’re among the majority of US singles. But a move to digital relationships raises new questions, such as how to tell if a girl likes you over text. The answer isn’t always so clear—digital communication tends to leave out key nonverbal cues.
Texting also excludes a dangerous amount of information you can usually glean from in-person meetings. Because meeting in person is not always comfortable or possible, how can we decipher the subtle signs a girl likes you over text? Read on to find out.
How to tell if a girl likes you over text
A woman is unlikely to outright tell you: “Hey, I like you. Let’s hookup for a month and then decide to date.” Texting is more complex than that, which is why it’s difficult to tell if a girl likes you through text.
“Although texting has made it easier to communicate, unfortunately we lose the ability to hear emotional tone, resulting in the message being misinterpreted,” said Janet Brito, a certified sex therapist. “It also voids real-time interaction where the giver and receiver are able to experience the beauty and richness of nonverbal expressions and physical touch, which definitely adds to meaning making.”
However, there are plenty of signs that, when taken in context, may indicate she has some romantic interest.
1. She double texts
There’s a reason some consider double texts (sending a second message before receiving a reply to the first) to be a cringey faux pas—to them, it seems desperate and try-hard. But that attitude could be a missed opportunity. Double texts, Brito said, could mean “she has a lot to share and feels excited to connect.”
Alternatively, double texts could mean she’s upset with you and wants to come to a compromise. Either way, Brito said, “This might indicate there is some urgency and requires attention.”
How to handle it: Embrace the situation and respond as soon as you can. The last thing you want is to embarrass her.
“Text back and, if you share the same enthusiasm, reciprocate,” Brito said. “Or [if] you are in a disagreement, request to connect via phone or in person to avoid further escalation and miscommunication.”
2. She uses lots of emojis
Emojis have become as important to digital communication as words, if not more. A properly placed smiley emoji—or preemptive eggplant emoji—can show warmth or presumptive intimacy. A 2019 study found that people who use more emojis have more sex.
Brito said to keep an eye on your potential partner’s use of emojis, especially the positive ones, because “she may be trying to emphasize a certain emotion.”
How to handle it: Do not interrupt the flow of the conversation over this. Instead, Brito said, “Be curious, ask questions (and) engage openly or ask direct questions if in doubt.”
3. She replies quickly
Wow, a response so soon? She must love you! Not so fast. Brito said you could just have caught her at a good time that was convenient for her to reply.
How to handle it: Don’t assume she likes you. “It is important not to assume what specific texts mean but to ask instead,” Brito said.
4. She sent you a selfie
This is a very good sign a girl likes you over text and also gives you an updated photo of her beyond what’s in her dating profile. “A picture is worth a thousand words,” Brito said. “She is likely interested in you and is communicating with you by sending you a picture of herself as a means to connect and engage.”
How to handle it: You’re doing well. Don’t blow it. It’s OK to thank her for sending the selfie and you can go ahead and give her a compliment. “Make sure you acknowledge it was vulnerable for her to send a selfie,” Brito said.
Feel free to send an (appropriate, clothed) selfie back.
5. She compliments a picture you posted
You, my friend, are a stud. According to Brito, if a potential companion compliments one of your pics, “She is interested in you and would like to get to know you more.”
How to handle it: Don’t let the external validation go to your head. “Say thanks, send an emoji or provide compliments back,” Brito said.
6. She extends her words (i.e., “heyy”)
This is tricky because it’s maybe not a place to jump to conclusions. Sometimes, texts that say “heyy,” “heyyy” or even “heyyyy” can be a playful and flirtatious way a girl lets you know she likes you over text. Other times, these texts are just casual and the way that person likes to text.
How to handle it: “Engage in a friendly conversation,” Brito said, and maybe toss some tails onto your own words—people tend to feel validated when their communication style is mimicked.
7. She initiates the conversation
This isn’t the old days when men were expected to make every overture. It’s 2021, and women sometimes text you. Despite society’s changes, Brito said, your potential partner “is taking risks by expressing this interest to get to know you better.”
How to handle it: “Engage respectfully,” Brito said. Don’t take it as a sign she’s necessarily clingy or desperate—again, it’s 2021.
8. She’s teasing you
Teasing isn’t like it was on the playground. As an adult, teasing often equals flirtation, so it’s safe to assume what she’s thinking.
How to handle it: Be playful but not mean—don’t hurt feelings or take light joking personally. “If you feel the same way, reciprocate,” Brito said.
9. She asks you about her looks
She might be a little self-conscious or seek your attention—all good signs she’s “available and would like to engage with you,” Brito said.
How to handle it: Compliment her, obviously.
10. She’s frequently updating you on what she’s doing
She’s going to the park, or the grocery store, or she’s walking her dog—these aren’t just random facts but potential signs “she would like for you to get to know her better,” Brito said.
How to handle it: Take note this might be a signal she likes you and share details about your life, too.
11. She writes long paragraph responses
You might not want to read essays in school, but you’re definitely going to want to read these. If a woman is taking the time to write a long text, she’s probably interested in you. Either that, or she likes you as a friend or is mad at you.
How to handle it: Enjoy the conversation, regardless of the result. This is also a good opportunity to segue into a phone call, Brito said.
12. She notes you haven’t texted her lately
If you’ve been ignoring her or too busy to chat, she’s onto you and “she’s wondering where you stand,” Brito said.
How to handle it: Reassure her. Tell the truth. If you are not interested, let her know right away.
13. She laughs at everything you say
This is a good metric for how to know if a girl likes you through text. However, she may be laughing because she’s intimidated.
How to handle it: “Check in and make sure that she is comfortable and not laughing at everything you say because she is nervous,” Brito said.
14. Your banter is going smoothly
She says dinner and a movie, you say when and where. She says she loves “The Matrix,” you say you love Keanu Reeves. Sounds like your conversation is going smoothly, and Brito said that could mean you hit it off and “have enough similarities to keep you engaged.”
How to handle it: Don’t let this go to your head. You could be building a platonic relationship, not a romantic one. “It might be possible you’ve hit it off as friends more than dating partners,” Brito said. This may be the case if this is the only sign you’ve observed. Even if it’s not what you had in mind when you first started communicating, having more friends is never a bad thing.
15. She wants to know more about you
This is a good way to know a girl likes you through text. “In general if someone wants to know more about you then they are likely interested in you, which is positive,” said Lori Lawrenz, a certified sex therapist and colleague of Brito.
How to handle it: Did she ask you to tell her all about yourself—a question she probably asks every other person? Lawrenz offered a fun idea for how to stand out:
“A good answer is to state that you have a story and you want to know hers, but there are a lot of chapters in your book,” Lawrenz said. “You may add some are sad, some have adventures and there is a love story or two, but the book is not finished and you are eager to share more as we get to know one another.”
16. She shares personal details about her life
If she’s telling you about her childhood, her siblings and her best friend’s dog, there’s a good chance she likes you. Personal details aren’t something most share with people they aren’t interested in.
How to handle it: Now is your chance to take the budding relationship to the next level and tell her about yourself. “If you want to move forward and get to know her,” Lawrenz said, “then acknowledge this is a good idea and pursue it.”
17. She wants to know your plans for the future
Is she asking how many kids you want or if you’re looking to get married? “Often this is birthed out of concerns regarding where she stands with you,” Lawrenz said.
How to handle it: “You can let her know you are not sure, or you can say you see yourself living on an island or running a business,” Lawrenz said. “If the request is from someone you seek to pursue, you can be flirtatious and say you hope your future has someone as special as her in it.”
18. She wants to know if you’re seeing someone else
The timing of this question is important, according to Lawrenz. If it comes near the beginning of a relationship, she’s setting boundaries. If you’re a little further in—you’ve been on a few dates—she’s likely trying to feel out whether you’re planning to take a step toward exclusivity.
How to handle it: Be honest. If you are not seeing someone else, say that. If you are seeing someone else, say that but not necessarily directly. “You can say, ‘I am dating around, but our time is special to me,’” Lawrenz said.
Alternatively, you can also ask why she is curious and if she is seeing someone else. Or, Lawrenz said, you can say, “I don’t kiss and tell,” which is “a subtle way of saying you are seeing other people and being intimate with them without overtly saying this in a manner that might hurt her.”
If you’re polyamorous, this is the time to let her know.
19. She’s imitating your slang and writing style
This is what some call “mirroring.” If she’s mirroring you, it’s a great way to tell if a girl likes you over text. “Overall, mirroring indicates an attempt to connect and bond,” Lawrenz said.
How to handle it: Sure, she likes you, but is she just copying you because she doesn’t want to share details about herself? Now’s the time to find out.
“Be sure there are original thoughts and ideas coming from her and not just mirroring as if she has nothing original,” Lawrenz said. “Then there could be a lack of personality or a fear of expressing her individuality.”
20. She indicates you’re important to her
“This is usually a good sign,” Lawrenz said. It seems obvious, but context matters. Offering this information unprovoked is a likely sign of affection. But if it comes in response to your attempts to define the relationship or get a bead on her feelings, it may be a dodge aimed at letting you down easy.
How to handle it: If you like her, too, then tell her! If not, don’t string her along.
“If someone says you are important and they are not important to you, it is wise to let them know you see them as a friend or are not romantically attracted to them to ensure their feelings do not grow,” Lawrenz said.
21. She sends you lines from a song/movie/book
We develop strong emotional ties to art and culture, so when she sends you lines or lyrics, she’s saying you elicit similar emotions.
How to handle it: She’s being thoughtful, so send her a similarly thoughtful message that conveys your thoughts on the particular piece of pop culture. But don’t trash it. “Thank you and words of appreciation are always welcome when someone takes time to share with you,” Lawrenz said.
22. She sends you a candid/silly photo
If she sends you a selfie that isn’t posed or something she’d share on Instagram, that’s really a good sign she’s opening up to you. “She may be trying to show you a side of her that can be playful,” Lawrenz said.
**How to handle it: “**Be kind,” Lawrenz said. “If you like the picture, comment that she looks like she is having fun or seems like someone who knows how to let her hair down.”
23. She shares lots of memes
This could be a way to tell if a girl likes you through text, or it could just mean she likes using memes. But still, sharing something you like with someone else at the very least means you thought they’d like it, too, which is a positive sign.
**How to handle it: “**If you like the memes, then acknowledge them and state how they make you feel.” Lawrenz said. “If you don’t like the memes, say little and write more text to demonstrate you prefer to communicate more with words. “
24. She sends early morning or late night texts
You just received an 8 a.m. “good morning” text from her and got an 11 p.m. “goodnight” text the night before—she must love you, right? Not so fast, but it’s definitely a good sign. The morning and evening are typically personal time (not for work or school), so using even a little of that time to communicate with you is a positive indicator.
How to handle it: If she’s messaging you before you wake up or go to bed, don’t overthink it and don’t let it bother you—respond whenever you’re ready.
25. She wants to chat on the phone/FaceTime
Hooray, you’re out of text purgatory! Lawrenz said wanting to move the conversation to a call or video chat “means she wants to be more personal and intimate.”.
How to handle it: Set up a time and call her. Seeing her face to face will introduce those crucial nonverbal cues to help you determine how she feels about you.
“The subtle nuances of the more human types of communication, such as the voice call or face-to-face contact, allows people to have access to the feelings that are imparted, which often are not evidenced in texting,” Lawrenz said.
26. She asks you to teach her something
She is acknowledging you have a skill that she doesn’t and is willing to learn—but it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s into you. If it’s a skill she could easily learn from online guides or YouTube but she comes to you anyway, that’s a stronger indicator of interest.
How to handle it: If you want to teach her, go for it. But if she’s asking for free lessons for something you usually charge for, don’t feel obligated.
“If you do not want your relationship to go in the direction in which you are teaching them something, it is an excellent opportunity to set an appropriate boundary,” Lawrenz said. “For example, ‘I am so grateful you see that my yoga is important to me. I spend a lot of hours teaching for my work, so when I am with you I would rather relax and get to know you, but I know a lot of great teachers who I can connect you with.’”
27. She responds even if she’s busy
“This could mean you are a priority,” Lawrenz said. But it could also mean “she is anxious and wants to ensure that you feel seen and acknowledged.” Either way, it’s probably a good way to tell if a girl likes you through text.
How to handle it: Enjoy the quick responses—that’s a rare thing in this world. But if you realize she’s putting herself out too much to text you back right away, you can tell her to take her time.
“If it happens regularly, you can point out that she does not have to text immediately and you have time to wait for her,” Lawrenz said, “as you know she has a life that is full, as well as yours is.”
28. She asks your opinion
“She clearly cares about what you think,” Lawrenz said. She’s also inviting you to talk more, which is a good sign.
How to handle it: If you have thoughts to share, feel free to launch into a conversation by sharing your opinion on the topic. If not, or if it’s too controversial—there’s a time and place for politics and it’s not before meeting someone face to face, go ahead and sidestep it for now.
“If the topic is of no consequence to you or controversial, you may want to pass up on the opportunity and ask her what her opinion is,” Lawrenz said, “and let her know you are not quite sure what you think about the topic.”
29. She continues the conversation even when it appears to be done
You thought you put a stamp on that talk, but she wants to know more. “This likely means she wants more of you and is attempting to stay connected,” Lawrenz said.
How to handle it: If you actually have to go and don’t want to talk more about the subject, Lawrenz suggested sending a simple thumbs-up emoji “to acknowledge her words but as to not encourage further discussion.”
30. She asks you out
There’s nothing left to interpret here. “If she asks you out, she likely is interested in you and wants to get to know you,” Lawrenz said. However, be mindful it could still mean she just wants to be friends. If she uses the word “date,” though, there’s no more ambiguity.
How to handle it: If you like her, say yes! Again, it’s 2021, so a girl asking a guy out on a date isn’t faux pas at all.